


the best made plans are your open hands

by strictlybecca



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, M/M, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Present Tense, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, perhaps even the BEST sister, pinky swears: a solemn sacred vow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29371389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strictlybecca/pseuds/strictlybecca
Summary: When Maddie walks away from her family at eighteen, she doesn’t look back. She doesn’t take the car her parents paid for, or the jewelry they like to offer her instead of affection. She leaves behind the clothes she hates and the beautiful, cold house she despises. She leaves behind the prom dress she’ll never wear and that she never wanted, and the yearbook that she never got anyone to sign.What she doesn’t leave behind is her little brother.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 41
Kudos: 380
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i’ve been struggling and slogging to write a buddie fic i’ve had kicking around since the summer, but then suddenly last night i had this idea and down tonight to slap a few words out and… uh. it appeared nearly fully formed! sooo that’s cool! this doesn't usually happen to me, but maddie is my mom-friend/crybaby soulmate and i've been feeling QUITE a lot this season for my lil buckley buds, so i guess here's the result! enjoy!

When Maddie walks away from her family at eighteen, she doesn’t look back. She doesn’t take the car her parents paid for, or the jewelry they like to offer her instead of affection. She leaves behind the clothes she hates and the beautiful, cold house she despises. She leaves behind the prom dress she’ll never wear and that she never wanted, and the yearbook that she never got anyone to sign.

What she doesn’t leave behind is her little brother. 

Evan’s hand is in hers and there are two bus tickets in her backpack and she has absolutely no plan other than to get far, far away - but she’s never felt this calm before. Honestly, this is the same sort of feeling she gets sitting next to Evan while he does his homework at night, her little brother staring up at her in awe of how smart she is, how much she knows about the world. Next to Evan, reminding him to check his times tables and that i goes before e except after c, Maddie is the kind of hero she thinks she could be, given the chance.

 _So._ She’s taking the chance.

“If you come with me,” Maddie says, her voice soft and unhurried, even as her heart thuds loudly in her own ears. “We probably won’t see Mom and Dad for a while. A long, long while.” Evan stares up at her, those pretty blue eyes wide, his expression so serious for such a little guy. He’s nine going on thirty, alternately thrilled by squashed bugs on the driveway and then solemnly asking her if she thinks Dad might care more if he goes out for the baseball team over the basketball team. ( _He won’t, he won’t care ever, at all, not once,_ is the answer that they both know, but Evan asks anyway and Maddie tells him what she always tells him - do what will make you happy.)

She’s not sure how she’s going to explain to him that she can’t stay in this house for one second more. That she knows she has an acceptance letter to a college in the next city over and a life that so many people would kill to have, but that if she has to stare across the dinner table at two vacant, empty smiles one more time she might just start smashing dishes against the walls. If she has to pretend one more day that her beautiful, bright miracle of a little brother never existed, she never taught Daniel to jump rope or tell a knock knock joke or slide down the halls in his socks - that she might just have to lay down and die too.

How does she say that if she watches Mom’s grieving gaze pass painfully through Evan, or Dad brush off Evan’s excitement to stare vacantly at the paper _one more time_ , if she has to watch Evan’s expression go from pleased to confused to hurt and _aching_ for the slightest hint of care and kindness _one more time_ \- well, then she might just scream and scream and scream until her voice gives out?

“Where are you going?” Evan asks reasonably and Maddie shrugs.

“I don’t know where we’ll end up,” she admits, “so it’s okay if you don’t want to come.” It’s not, it’s really not, but it’s important Evan decides on his own. “I just… I don’t want to be here with Mom and Dad anymore.” It’s the best she can come up with, and it has the advantage of being the truth.

“And me?” Evan asks. His voice sounds a little wobbly and nervous and Maddie tucks him up under her arm, pressing a fierce kiss to his temple. He wiggles as close to her as he can get without climbing inside her sweatshirt and she lets him, not wanting to even think about what the next few years could look like without Evan beside her if he decides not to come.

“I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t,” Maddie says firmly. “I want you with me all the time.”

“Except in the bathroom,” Evan adds knowledgeably, having experienced Maddie screeching at him to use his own toilet while she’s in the shower.

“Except in the bathroom,” Maddie allows, smiling a little. They sit in quiet for a moment after that, squished together only a little uncomfortably while Maddie waits for Evan’s next question. Her brother: the explorer, the questioner, the wonderer. His curiosity is the best thing about him, she thinks. Of course her parents hate it when Evan asks questions, but then they’ve always preferred a quiet house - since Daniel died. 

A mausoleum to raise their two breathing children in, Maddie thinks, to protect the silence for the one buried six feet down.

God, Daniel would’ve hated it.

“You really want me to come with you?” Evan finally asks quietly and Maddie sees the problem. Too many times, Maddie and Evan have been promised a functioning, happy, loving family. Their parents make overtures of planning vacations and trips, of finding their feet through their grief, of coming to sports games and band concerts and parent-teacher meetings, and then - _nothing._ Or worse, Maddie and Evan are told that they had expected too much - that to want to be wanted was more than their parents could possibly offer them.

“I’m going to be one thousand percent honest with you Evan Buckley,” Maddie says, her voice low and fierce. She knows her grip on her brother is probably too tight, but he just clutches her right back. His knobbly knees are stabbing her in the kidney and his chin is digging painfully into her collarbone, but Maddie doesn’t flinch. “I do not want you to stay in this house with Mom and Dad. I want you to come with me. If you decide to stay, I will be very, very, _very_ sad. If I thought it was okay, I would bundle you up in a laundry bag and haul you over my shoulder and take you with me no matter what.” There’s a soft laugh at that which makes Maddie feel faintly victorious. “But I think _you_ should decide and so I won’t make you come if you don’t want to.”

There’s another silence, but it’s shorter this time. 

“Let’s go,” Evan says finally. And then, “I can bring my Gameboy, right?”

Maddie miraculously doesn’t roll her eyes - but she _does_ tickle Evan till he begs for mercy, so, same thing she figures.

The actual leaving is easy. 

Maddie packs a backpack and a big duffel bag she thinks used to be her dad’s but that he’ll never miss. She gets Evan’s book bag packed, expertly bargaining him down to his Gameboy, one action figure, a few books, and the stuffed dragon that he pretends not to sleep with still. His clothes fit in the big duffel with hers. There’s a cookbook in the kitchen where her parents tuck several hundred dollars in twenties in case of emergencies, and with the addition of that money and their birth certificates and their passports and the money that Maddie withdrew from her savings account weeks ago (and also some granola bars) - they’re pretty much ready to run away. 

She’s been trying not to think of it that way, as _running_ _away_ , because as far as she’s concerned she’s _striding confidently in a non-specific direction_ , but she also knows that as soon as her parents realize that she and Evan are gone that’s what she’ll get called: a runaway. God, maybe even a kidnapper? She’s not sure if there’s anything she can do to change that, but she figures that maybe if she offers her parents an opening, they might take it. She leaves a note.

_Tell everyone you sent him away to boarding school. Tell everyone I’m at college. Don’t look for us. It’s better like this._

And then she packs Evan into her car on a night her parents are gone at some event, when they won’t be home until early morning and when Maddie and Evan won’t be looked in on until hours after that. She drives them to a subway station about a ten minute walk from the bus depot and abandons the car and keys there. She and Evan walk arm in arm down the poorly lit street and Maddie knows she should be scared, but Evan’s hopping over the cracks in the sidewalk and he’s chattering on about bumblebees and the impossible physics of their flight and, well, she’s feeling a little like she’s on a flight of impossibility herself.

The bus depot is brightly lit inside and is humming with activity despite the late hour. Lots of tired college students with pillows under their arms and some besuited older men with battered suitcases. Maddie gives Evan a dollar so he can buy a soda for them to share and she watches him cross the squeaky, shiny linoleum and tries not to wonder if she’s going to ruin his life.

She wonders if she’s going to ruin hers.

Evan squeaks his way back over to her side, having discovered the amazing capability of his sneakers to make a horrific noise with each step. She gives him a look and he just grins and hops the last few steps. He settles in next to her, offering her the can to open like he does every time, because he’s nervous to do it on his own. She pops the top, hands it back to him and watches him take big, slow sips of Sprite as he studies the people around them.

“If you change your mind,” Maddie says out of nowhere, not knowing she was going to say the words aloud until they were leaving her mouth, “I’ll bring you back at any time. You can decide to go back to Mom and Dad whenever you want.” She doesn’t say that she’s not confident that her parents will want either of them back, that they will have made themselves too much trouble to put up with, but she doesn’t have to. Evan’s lived with the shadow versions of their parents since as long as he can remember. She knows that he knows that there isn’t anything for them in that house anymore.

“I want to be where you are,” Evan says simply between sips of soda. “I don’t think Mom and Dad like me very much. But I know you love me.”

“I do,” Maddie says, blinking back tears, biting her lip. “I love you _and_ I like you.” She also tugs the can of Sprite away from Evan’s hands; he’s already had way more than his fair share and it’s her sisterly duty to deprive him of the rest.

Evan quirks a grin. “We’re gonna take care of each other Mads,” he reassures her, every inch the boy she loves and the man she knows he’ll be. “It’ll be okay.” He holds out a pinky finger, their solemn and most sacred vow. “Promise.”

Maddie lets out a wet, shaky breath, but she can’t help her smile. “Okay, promise.” she agrees. “You’ve convinced me.” She loops her pinky through his, their fingers clammy and cold from clutching the soda, and they squeeze tight.

Their bus is called and Evan leads the way to the line, Maddie shouldering the duffel and shuffling for their tickets in her bag. The soda can gets neatly dispatched into the closest trash can, Evan crowing at making the shot. They can see the bus through the windows behind the counter, idling in its parking space and for the first time, Maddie feels a spark of excitement. The possibility of it all had been swallowed by the anxiety and the tender, white hot fury she’s carried in her chest for so long - but for a second, Maddie’s brain _dreams_. 

“And who is this?” the woman behind the desk asks suddenly, peering down at Evan and back at the tickets Maddie’s handed over. She looks at Evan, who’s small for his age, though Maddie’s always privately thought that he’ll tower over her one day. At nine, Evan can pass for a little younger and Maddie suddenly realizes she should’ve prepared for strangers looking at the two of them and not seeing a hint of siblings between them.

“I’m Evan,” he says cheerfully, because Evan loves strangers, especially ones that notice him in particular. Maddie’s never tried to curb the friendliness out of him because she knows how much of it is motivated by a desire to be seen - and she’s always so pleased when people discover her baby brother’s sunshine disposition. Evan deserves for people to love him, even if they’ll disappear from their lives just as quickly as they arrive. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” The woman is charmed, Maddie can tell, but she also maybe thinks Maddie is trafficking her own little brother and Evan doesn’t even know where they’re headed and this could all go so wrong so quickly and-

“Nice to meet you too honey, now, where are you headed?” There is a bead of sweat between Maddie’s shoulder blades that she can feel creeping down her back and she opens her mouth to say _anything_ -

“We’re going to grandma’s!” Evan lies, grinning. “Mom and Dad are already there and they said Maddie and I could take the bus all by ourselves!” He leans into the last word with a kind of awe that makes the woman behind the counter smile affectionately at them, any and all suspicion erased by Evan’s easy deception. Maddie wishes she disapproved, but she supposes that’s what makes her Evan’s sister, not his mother. Her little brother’s a tiny genius and she’s just glad for it.

“You’ve got an awfully nice big sister there, to take you all that way,” she points out as she stamps their tickets and tucks them away into a little folder for Maddie to hold on to. Maddie gives her a sweet smile, the one she gives to adults who talk to Evan the right way, like a person, with warmth and politeness.

“I’ve got the _best_ big sister,” Evan intones seriously in reply and Maddie does _not_ tear up again, she doesn’t, she swears. She folds Evan’s hand in her own and finally swallows around a few more words.

“He says that now, but wait till I have to make him do his homework on the way there.” She smiles warmly, well practiced at the kinds of conversations adults like to have with teenagers. She gets the laugh she was aiming for and she and Evan wave goodbye as they pass through the doorway and join the line to climb onto the bus.

“That was smooth,” Maddie says quietly, swinging their laced hands gently between them.

“Normal people visit their grandmas,” Evan shrugs. “I figured we should try to seem normal.” Maddie snorts and Evan’s shock and delight at getting her to laugh keeps her giggling.

“I don’t know that we’ll ever be normal Ev,” she admits.

“That’s okay,” Evan shrugs, already digging through his backpack for his Gameboy. “I figure we’ll probably have to try a bunch of stuff until we figure out what we want.” Maddie thinks about it as they clamber onto the bus, Evan deliberating over two identical sets of seats before deciding on the slightly further back one. Maddie nudges him in to the window seat, tucking their backpacks under their seats and settling their coats in their laps as blankets.

“What _do_ you want Ev?” she asks eventually. 

“I dunno,” he says, after considering it for a long moment. “Like, right now I want a cheeseburger. But later? Who knows. Not to be with Mom and Dad, I guess.” Maddie nods. “What about you?”

“Happy,” Maddie says decisively. “I want to be happy.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Evan agrees, already arranging Maddie’s arm over his shoulder so he can use her as a pillow and play Pokemon at the same time. “Let’s do that one.”

“You got it,” Maddie promises quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby buck and teenage maddie make my heart hurt :( just an epilogue left!
> 
> _tiny edit on 2/25 to reflect canon: daniel was maddie's lil brother, not her older!_


	2. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil bitty epilogue so you can see that i wasn't lying about a happy ending :)

“He lived  _ where _ with you?” Eddie is shocked but laughing, his beer dangling from his hand, totally forgotten in the midst of the story Maddie’s telling. Buck is beaming from the kitchen where he’s cutting more cheese for the fancy charcuterie board Maddie insisted on buying for Buck’s little housewarming party. Buck had maintained that it “wasn’t a housewarming, Maddie!” if he was just moving into the house Eddie already owned, but Maddie can already see how Buck’s made this space his home.

There are pictures of Buck and Eddie and Chris all over the walls and mantel. There are pictures with Eddie’s family and Buck and Maddie all mixed together and the 118 and their families at different birthdays and barbecues throughout the years. But Maddie’s favorite is three little oval frames right next to each other, a slightly dated baby picture in each. 

In the first, there’s a platinum blond, chubby-faced baby Buck, grinning with pink cheeks and a little pink smudge right over his eye. Then, there’s a gap toothed brown haired little girl cheesing hard in the frame right beside the first. (Maddie still can’t believe she’d let him put that one of her up.) And in the last frame, of course, is another blond boy, this one with deep brown eyes and a small, mischievous grin that clearly spells trouble. Their pictures of Daniel are few and far between but she’s happy that this one is exactly where it is.

“Tell him Mads,” Buck eggs her on, and she gladly continues her story.

“He lived in my dorm room! For part of freshman year, it was me and ten year old Buck in my tiny little dorm room. We were only there a few months, so I just lied and said we were local and I had to babysit him all the time and that’s why he was everywhere.” She mouths a  _ thank you _ to Chimney, who has topped up her wine mid-story. He presses a quick kiss to her temple before ducking around the table to fill Athena and Karen’s glasses as well. “Well, I’m sure the RAs were suspicious but by the time they might have said something, I’d found us the first of many cheap apartments that we would end up living in.” Maddie shrugs, taking a sip of wine.

“How’d you like the dorm life, Buckaroo?” Hen is clearly delighted at hearing a new, as-of-yet unheard story about their Buck. 

Buck’s shrugging as he crosses back over to them, hands full of the newly replenished charcuterie board. Eddie clears a space on the coffee table for him and gets a kiss for his pains. “The dorm was fine except when I had to pee. I saw some things in that communal boys bathroom that were just not right,” he shuddered dramatically, beaming when it got him the laugh he wanted from the crew.

“The dorm was probably one of the better places we stayed that year,” Maddie says, smiling a little ruefully. “Buck probably has some not-so-great memories from that time.”

“Hey, we always had a place to sleep, food to eat and batteries for my Gameboy,” Buck protests, leaning forward to grab Maddie’s free hand. “I was a happy camper.”

“Except when I dated that awful guy-“ Maddie reminds him and Buck’s whole face twists up.

“Ugh, Doug was such an asshole. Thank god you dumped him after a few months.”

“If I remember correctly, you scared him off with all your talk of ghosts and spirits-“

“That one apartment was  _ definitely _ haunted-“ Buck objects, laughing. “But maybe they were nice ghosts if they helped get rid of that jerk.” He ignores Eddie’s mutter of _ no such thing as ghosts _ with a dismissive, “Just because you don’t believe in them doesn’t mean they don’t believe in you, Eds.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Eddie complains, but he just puts his hand over Buck’s and laces their fingers together.

“Ghosts aside, he really was the happiest kid,” Maddie says, her voice so fond that Buck smiles reflexively in response.

“Your fault,” Buck teases. “All your fault.”

“Shut up,” Maddie warns him, but she’s smiling too hard to even pretend to mean it.

The conversation drifts on to Hen’s own nightmare of a freshman roommate and then Chimney’s varying possible paranormal experiences which send them all into wheezing laughter, but honestly, Maddie’s favorite part of the night comes as they’re all cleaning up and clearing out. 

Coats are on and people are heading out the door after their goodbyes, Cap and Athena refusing to take any leftovers, Hen claiming anything she can carry in her arms before Buck gets her a reusable bag to put all the various tupperware in. After a few minutes, Buck sidles up beside where Maddie’s drying a few dishes and makes a face at her. “You don’t have to do that, you’re a guest. It’s Eddie’s house,” Buck protests, trying to tug the dish towel out of her hand.

“Your house!” comes the mildly belligerent and somewhat sleepy call from the next room over where Eddie is sprawled out on the couch. “You live here now too, Buckley. Don’t make me come over there and remind you.” Buck flushes from his ears to his neck but his expression is so pleased that Maddie can hardly stand it.

“I’d listen to the man, he sounds pretty serious,” she teases. Buck makes a face at her and she makes one right back. They fall into an easy silence, Buck putting away the dishes that Maddie is finished wiping down.

“Hey Mads, you’re happy, right?” 

Her little brother: the questioner, the explorer, the wonderer. Her little brother, with the sunshine disposition. Her little brother, forever taking care of her while she tries to take care of him right back.

“Evan Buckley, I’m going to be one thousand percent honest with you - I’ve never been happier,” she says truthfully.

Buck’s smile is quiet and as warm as the sun itself. “Me too,” he admits softly.

“Promise?” she asks, offering a pinky.

“Promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from the song "big strong girl" by deb talan. please let me know if you enjoyed this! it's my first fic in 911, though i've been reading it for months and months (y'all are so talented, goddamn) so let me know how i did. :) 
> 
> for any questions, concerns, headcanons about what maddie and buck's lives are like in this au, etc, you can find me on tumblr @strictlybecca or on twitter @thebeccaroo :D


End file.
